LETTER FOR DAD

One morning a FATHER found a letter from his son . Fearing the worse with trembling hand he opened the letter.IT said

DEAR DAD

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion. Dad she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don’t worry Dad. I’m 16 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son JOHNNY
P.S.
DAD I am at Andy’s and none of it is true . The REPORT CARD is in the drawer ‘just wanted u to remind tat there are worse things in life.
LOVE you and let me know when it is safe to come back home.

BOSS AND SANTA

Boss asked Santa
“Where were you born?”
Santa
“India”
Boss
“Which part”
Santa
“What which part? ” Whole body was born in India.”

SECRET FOR A HAPPY LIFE

A retired woman walked to her neighbour rocking on a chair
She asked ” You look so HAPPY ,what is the secret of your happy life”
HE replied
“I smoke 3 packs of cigarette a day
drink a case of whiskey a week
eat fatty food and never exercise”
She asked ,”that’s amazing. How old are you?”
He replied,” Twenty Six”

OLD AGE

Somehow we always think we are aging at a slower rate than everyone else, this was true of this older woman who is seeing a doctor for the first time.

She was taken into a room and told to “make herself comfortable.” While reading the doctor’s diploma on the wall, she realizes that she went to high school with him many years ago.
The doctor enters the room; he is very gray, and slightly bent over from old age, and says “hello, how can I help you?”
The woman asks; “Did you attend Roosevelt High School?”
“Yes I did”, the doctor answered.
She asks: “Class of 49?” “Yes I was”, was the answered.
The woman was delighted, and said: “You were in my class!”
The doctor responded: “What did you teach?”

DOCTOR’S BILL

Doctor, you were right when you said you’d have me on my feet and walking in no time.
That’s good John; when did you start walking?
When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it

P-MAIL

Joe was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man. His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog. Joe loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty’s evening walks.

Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father: ‘Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?’

Well, Joe wasn’t sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old?

Stalling for time Joe asked, “What do you think he’s doing Johnny?”

Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said, “I know! I Know! He’s checking his P-Mail!”