ANGELIC SON IN LAW

One mother in law to another, “I heard that both your son and daughter have been married off – how are they?”

“Oh, my daughter in law is really not that good. She sleeps late and expects my son to make the morning coffee. She does not cook, wants my son to take her out to eat more.”

“But my son in law is an angel. He allows my daughter to stay late in bed, even makes bed coffee for her. Insists on taking my daughter out to eat so often. I tell you, I don’t know what to do with my daughter in law

THE WORST DAY

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn’t move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.

The truck driver turned and said, “Come on Man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that.” the man replied, “Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with my best friend.”

The man was really sobbing now, “I left home depressed and come to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!”

Bar

BRAGGING GALFREN

Ruth took her boyfriend Bernie home to meet her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Bloom.

“What do you do for a living?” asked Mr. Bloom.

“I own some property,” replied Bernie.

“Some property!” exclaimed Ruth. “He owns a chain of fast-rising retail stores.”

“And where do you live?” asked Mrs. Bloom.

“I’ve got an apartment in town.”

“An apartment!” cried Ruth. “He has a luxury apartment in the most sought-after block in Manhattan.”

“And what are your prospects?” inquired Mr. Bloom.

“I’m hoping to expand!” said Bernie.

“Expand!” interrupted Ruth. “He’s planning to buy Bloomingdale’s!”

Just then Bernie sneezed.

“Have you got a cold?” asked Mrs. Bloom.

“A cold?” shrieked Ruth. “Bernie’s got pneumonia!”

THE WISH GRANTING FROG

A family is driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, “Please make my dog win the next dog race.”

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, “Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, “Could I please have another look at the dog?”

THE LAST HOPE

Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his apartment block. But when he got home he realized that his wallet was missing and burst into tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked his wife.

“I’ve lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees,” he wailed. “I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it’s not there now.”

“Did you look in the pockets of your pants?”

“Yes, but the money isn’t there either.”

“What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?”

“Of course not!” he snapped. “Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?”

CLEARLY CHEATING

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”