Category Archives: Work/Office Jokes

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

After a busy day when the commuters boarded the train ,they witnessed a loud conversation

“Hi darling, it’s John, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s 7.00 and not 5.00 but I had a long meeting .
No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss, no darling you’re the only one in my life.
Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah…”

When this went on more than 15 minutes, a young woman sitting opposite him,
driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice,
“Hey, John! Turn off that phone and come back to bed!”

BOSS AND SANTA

Boss asked Santa
“Where were you born?”
Santa
“India”
Boss
“Which part”
Santa
“What which part? ” Whole body was born in India.”

EXPERIENCE COUNTS

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed to three identical birds lined up on the perch.

”How much is the one on the left?” asked the customer.

”Five hundred dollars,” said the shop owner.

”Why is it so expensive?”

”Because it knows how to do legal research.”

”What about the one in the middle? How much is that?”

”One thousand dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.”

”And how much is the third parrot?”

”Five thousands dollars.”

”What can it do that is so special?”

”To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a damn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”

JOB INTERVIEW

A mallu woman went for a job interview for the post of a Secretary. The manager saw the woman’s colourful clothes, gold jewellery, extra coconut oiled uncombed hair, and his mind was screaming: “NOT THIS WOMAN!!!”

Nevertheless, he had to interview her. So he told her, “If you make a sentence using all the words I give you, then maybe I’ll give you a chance at the job! The words are: GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK.”

The enthusiastic mallu, sat staring at the ceiling licking her lips thinking for a while.

She then let out a dorky laugh and said, “I hear the phone ring, GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW…. BLUE’S that?? Sorry WHITE did you say? Aiyo….. Wrong number!! Don’t simbbly PURPLELY disturb ppl and don’t call me BLACK next time wokay!!! OK… THANK YOU”

The Manager Fainted…

CONTRACTOR

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

PROFESSION

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”