Category Archives: Political Jokes - Page 37

One Winter Morning

President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered WhiteHouse lawn and sees the words “President Clinton sucks” written in pee in the snow.

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Revenge

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking.

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Elementary, Mr President

One day George Bush is going to give a speech at an Elementary School. He asks the teacher what the children are studying and she replies that they are learning about Greek Tragedies. So the President decides to talk about Tragedies. He asks a student, “What would you consider to be a tragedy?”

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Surprising News

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant.

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Signs You Might Be A Liberal

You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy.

You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia.

Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replied, “So what?”

If the years 1966 through 1974 are vague memories because of the effects of drug abuse.

You think Hillery Clinton is, “A babe.”

You think that a naval aircraft carrier should be named after George McGovern, but then you remember that one aircraft carrier could feed a million starving children for a year.

You are against sexual harrasment except when committed by Senator Kennedy.

You think people who make above minimun wage are rich and should be taxed at 90 percent.

You are not shocked when someone says “F—” but are profoundly shocked when someone says “N—–“.

Upon hearing of anything bad that has happened, the first thing you think should be done is that the oil companies should be investigated.

You think heterosexual love is a male chauvinist plot to oppress women.

You think George Stephenapolis is, “A hunk.”

You ever said, “Differently abled” when you mean “crippled.”

You ever proposed that cockaroaches should be placed on the endangered species list.

You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari.

You blame the Republicans for rainy weather.

You never wished that Star Trek had more ship to ship combat scenes.

You think Al Franken is actually funny, but Rush Limbaugh is not.

You once referred to President Reagan as “that man in the White House.”

You think that the Unabomber “has a point.”

You cried out, “Where did I go wrong!” when your son or daughter joined the Marine Corps.

You think Newt Gingrich should be dipped in gravy train and fed to a pack of ravenous poddles.

You ever referred to someone’s GI Joe figurines and matching tac nukes as “War toys.”

You are against prayer in public schools, even before math tests.

You own an espresso maker, a cusinart, a vibrator, and a heated water bed and yet oppose off shore oil drilling and the construction of nuclear power plants.

You don’t go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.

You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not.

You think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not.

You’ve felt compelled to buy the child rearing book entitled, “How to get your Children to Say No in the 90s When You Said Yes in the 60s.”

You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not big, mean bikers wearing leather.

Quotes We Remember Our Wise Leaders By

“If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread & butter will be cut from right under your feet.”
– Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin.

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