Category Archives: Men Jokes - Page 7

THE LAST KISS

A biker stops when he notice a young girl who’s about to jump off a bridge.

He asks her: Do you mind giving me the final kiss before you jump?

She quietly accepted and gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had.

When she finished, the biker said: Wow, this is the best Kiss I ever had. Why are you committing suicide?

She replied: My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…

PEOPLE WHO DONT DRINK…………….

Beggar: Give me food.
Man: I’ll give you Vodka.
Beggar: I don’t drink, Give me food.
Man: I’ll give you cigarettes.
Beggar: I don’t smoke.
Man: I’ll take you to race.
Beggar: I don’t gamble.
Man: I’ll get you girl friend.
Beggar: I love only my wife.
Man: I’ll give you food, but first you have to come to my house.
Beggar: Why?
Man: I want my wife to see what state people get into when they don’t Drink, Smoke, Gamble & Love only their own WIFE..!!

COURAGEOUS CAPTAIN

Spanish captain was walking on his ship…

A soldier rushes to him and says, “One enemy ship is approaching us!”

Captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt”

The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in, heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.

Soldier asks, “Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?”

Captain replies, “If I got injured, then my blood shouldn’t be seen, as I didn’t want my men to loose hope.”
(Moral: For success, hope is very important)

Just then, another soldier, “Sir, we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships!”

The captain calmly replies, “Go bring my yellow pants.”

CONFESSION BOX

A guy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies, who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in: “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side.”

SMART INTERPRETER

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favourite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.”

But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

“What did he say?” asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, “He said ‘Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.'”

DISAPEARING WIFE

Santa left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife, Jeeto, really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a few of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?”

The husband couldn’t believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, “That would suit me just fine!!”

Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn’t see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.