Category Archives: Men Jokes - Page 6

STRONGEST WEIGHTLIFTER

After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to make a telephone call.

Since he didn’t want anyone to take his drink, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, “The World’s Strongest Weightlifter,” and left it under his glass.

When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with new writing that said:

“Thanks for the treat!”
“The World’s Fastest Runner”

FREE HAIRCUT

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “You do God’s work.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “You protect the public.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “You serve the justice system.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

MEN’S ROOM

In the men’s bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands… clear up to his elbows…. he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, “I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean”.

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, “I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious”.

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, “I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands”.

ADVICE

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, “I never know how to handle the situation when I’m asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?”

The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

MARRIAGE LESSONS

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

“Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness –and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

HUNTING SKILLS

Two Russian hunters meet.

“I shot a gigantic bear yesterday,” says Ivan. “Look at the hide!”

“How do you find such huge bears?” Sergei asks.

“Easy,” says Ivan. “You stand in front of a cave and whistle. When the bear comes out, you shoot.”

Weeks later the two meet again. Sergei is covered in bandages.

“Didn’t you follow my advice?” Ivan asks.

“Sure, I did. I stood, in front of a cave and whistled,” Sergei replies.

“And what came out?

“To me,” says Sergei, “it looked like the Trans-Siberian Express.