Category Archives: Men Jokes - Page 3

GENEALOGY

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”

The mother answered, “God made Adam took one of his ribs and made Eve. They lived in the Garden of Eden till a snake gave Eve an apple which she and Adam took a bite from and they were thrown out into the world naked and alone. They had children and so was all mankind made.”

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they evolved from monkeys?”

The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”

45 DIFFERENCE

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

THE WORST DAY

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn’t move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down. The poor man started crying.

The truck driver turned and said, “Come on Man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that.” the man replied, “Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with my best friend.”

The man was really sobbing now, “I left home depressed and come to this bar. And now, just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!”

Bar

THE WISH GRANTING FROG

A family is driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, “Please make my dog win the next dog race.”

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, “Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, “Could I please have another look at the dog?”

CLEARLY CHEATING

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.”

A SCOTCH PLEASE

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”

The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”

The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars.”

The guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”

The bartender says, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”

The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”

The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”

To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”