Category Archives: Men Jokes - Page 2

DUCK HUNTING

Five doctors went to on a duck hunt:
a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon, and a pathologist.
After a while a bird came winging overhead,
The GP raised his shogun but didn’t shoot because he wasn’t sure if it was a duck or not.
The pediatrician also raised his gun, but then he wasn’t sure if it was a male or female duck, so he didn’t shoot.
The psychiatrist raised his gun and then thought, I know that’s a duck, but does the duck know it’s a duck?”
The surgeon was the only one who shot. Boom!! He blew it away.
Then he turned to the pathologist and said, “Go see if that was a duck.”

THE GRIEVANCE

Robert was sitting in a bar looking thoroughly miserable. After a while the customer at the next table said, “Excuse me, but you look really depressed. What’s the problem?”

“You may well ask,” sighed Robert. “I’ll tell you what the problem is. My mother died in March and left me 10,000 dollars.”

“Gee, thats tough,” said the customer sympathetically.

“Then in April,” continued Robert, “my father died, leaving me 50,000 dollars.”

“Im real sorry to hear that,” said the customer. “Losing two parents in two months – no wonder youre depressed.”

“And last month, added Robert, “my aunt died left me 15,000 dollars.”

The customer shook his head in pity: “How terrible! Three close family members lost in three months!”

“Then this month, said Robert, “Nothing.”

MECHANIC AND DOCTOR

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic…
“Try doing it with the engine running.”

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CHINESE JEWS

Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

“Smith,” asked Jones, “are there any Jews in China?”

“I don’t know,” Smith replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”

Waiter: “No Chinese Jews, Sir.”

“Are you really sure?” Jones asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.”

The waiter replied exasperated, “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.”

TWO VILOINISTS

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.

Abe – I can’t believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?

Max – Well, it’s great, but I’ve got good news, and I’ve got bad news… The good news is that there’s a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we’re playing “Sheherezade,” your favorite piece, tomorrow night!

Abe – So what’s the bad news?

Max – Well, you’re booked to play the solo!

FATHER OF THE NATION

God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and introduced an award scheme. During the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India.

He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven, and asked him how many children he had during his time on earth.

Nehru replied, “Only one!

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce!

Indira Gandhi was next, and God asked the same question. She replied she had two children, and God thought, not too bad, so he gave her a BMW.

Dr. Radhakrishnan was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that he had six children, and gave him a Morris-8 as a kind of punishment.

Sometime later, the three (Nehru, Indira and Radhakrishnan) going around in their new cars, saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot!!! Wondering what went wrong; they asked why God hadn’t been merciful with him.

The Mahatma replied in disgust, “God did not even ask me!!! Some idiots had told him that I am the Father of the Nation.”