Category Archives: Men Jokes

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

After a busy day when the commuters boarded the train ,they witnessed a loud conversation

“Hi darling, it’s John, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s 7.00 and not 5.00 but I had a long meeting .
No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss, no darling you’re the only one in my life.
Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah…”

When this went on more than 15 minutes, a young woman sitting opposite him,
driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice,
“Hey, John! Turn off that phone and come back to bed!”

A 3 DAY PASS

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says, “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked, “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, ‘Do you want to get a three-day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

THE ROMANTIC WIFE

A romantic wife once texted her husband

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
I’m on the toilet. Please advise.

LETTER FOR DAD

One morning a FATHER found a letter from his son . Fearing the worse with trembling hand he opened the letter.IT said

DEAR DAD

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion. Dad she’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don’t worry Dad. I’m 16 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son JOHNNY
P.S.
DAD I am at Andy’s and none of it is true . The REPORT CARD is in the drawer ‘just wanted u to remind tat there are worse things in life.
LOVE you and let me know when it is safe to come back home.

WISDOM COMES WITH AGE

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs on Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all envious. They corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

Bob says, “I lied about my age.”

His friends are fascinated, “What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

DUCK HUNTING

Five doctors went to on a duck hunt:
a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon, and a pathologist.
After a while a bird came winging overhead,
The GP raised his shogun but didn’t shoot because he wasn’t sure if it was a duck or not.
The pediatrician also raised his gun, but then he wasn’t sure if it was a male or female duck, so he didn’t shoot.
The psychiatrist raised his gun and then thought, I know that’s a duck, but does the duck know it’s a duck?”
The surgeon was the only one who shot. Boom!! He blew it away.
Then he turned to the pathologist and said, “Go see if that was a duck.”