Category Archives: Marriage/Relationship - Page 9

PURE BUSINESS

Dad: “I Want you to marry a girl of my choice.”

Son: “No.”

Dad: “But the girl is bill Gates` daughter.”

Son: “Ok, I am ready to marry.”

Dad Goes to Bill Gates.

Dad: “I want your daughter to marry my son.”

Bill Gates: “No”

Dad: “My son is the CEO of The World Bank.”

Bill Gates: “Then Ok”

Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.

Dad: “Appoint my Son as the CEO of your Bank.”

President: “No!”

Dad: “He is Son-In-Law of Bill Gates.”

President: “Then Ok!”

This is called Pure Business.

DIVORCED BARBIE

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.”

The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?”

“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…..”

COMA

A man rushes out of his wife’s hospital room. “Doctor, doctor — my wife’s been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!”

“That’s very encouraging,” says the doctor. “Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts.”

A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: “Doctor, she moaned!”

“Very good,” says the doctor. “Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!”

Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. “Doctor — she died.”

“No! What happened?” the doctor exclaims.

“Well, doc,” the man says tearfully, “she choked.”

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BEAUTIFUL

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

MEATLOAF

A man is talking to the family doctor. “Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf.”
The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.”

The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, “For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!”

FUNERAL

A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn’t make it. The woman asked him if he didn’t have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, “Oh, they’re all at the funeral.”