Category Archives: Marriage/Relationship - Page 7

GREAT NEWS

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”

CAN OF PEAS

This 60-year old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

When she went before the judge, he asked her, “What did you steal?”

She replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge said, “I will give you 6 days in jail…”

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

The judge said, “What is it?”

The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

DISAPEARING WIFE

Santa left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife, Jeeto, really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a few of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days?”

The husband couldn’t believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, “That would suit me just fine!!”

Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn’t see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

SPELLING MISTAKE

Mrs. Smith found her husband hanging in his bedroom this morning.

There was a note on his bed which read, “I can’t take the critism anymore.”

Mrs. Smith quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.

As Mr. Smith lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said, “That’s not how you spell criticism.”

BETTER FREINDS

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend’s apartment overnight.

The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.

Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So, he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment overnight.

The wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

ATHIEST

A young lady came home very sad from a date.

She told her mother, “Anthony proposed to me an hour ago.”

“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. “Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a Hell.”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”