Category Archives: Marriage/Relationship

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

After a busy day when the commuters boarded the train ,they witnessed a loud conversation

“Hi darling, it’s John, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s 7.00 and not 5.00 but I had a long meeting .
No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss, no darling you’re the only one in my life.
Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah…”

When this went on more than 15 minutes, a young woman sitting opposite him,
driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice,
“Hey, John! Turn off that phone and come back to bed!”

THE ROMANTIC WIFE

A romantic wife once texted her husband

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
I’m on the toilet. Please advise.

ADDING IT UP

Jeeto brought a whole range of COSMETICS
After 5 hours of applying she asked Santa
“Tell me what age do you think I look?”
SANTA replied,” From your hair 15,
from your skin 16′
from your figure 18″
“Oh you Flatterer” ,she said
“Wait a minute” he said
“I haven’t ADDED up them yet”

WISDOM COMES WITH AGE

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs on Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all envious. They corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

Bob says, “I lied about my age.”

His friends are fascinated, “What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

THAT DAM HAM

A preacher’s wife goes to the butcher.

The butcher asks if she’d like to try some damn ham.

The preacher’s wife is shocked. The butcher explains that “Dam Ham” is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.

That night, the preacher asks, “What’s for dinner?”

His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher. The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home. She explains the “Dam Ham brand name and their logo.

At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the “Dam Ham.”

The son replies, “I’ll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin’ mashed potatoes.”

FORGET ABOUT IT

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”

“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”

“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.”

“My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem — a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”