A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. “No,” the doctor said.
“I did not check his pulse.” “And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.
“No I did not,” the doctor said.
“So,” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”
The doctor said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know,
he could be out practicing law somewhere.”
Category Archives: Lawyer Jokes
DEAD LAWYER
Posted by Admin
on July 1, 2013
No comments | 4 views
EXPERIENCE COUNTS
Posted by Admin
on July 1, 2013
No comments | 3 views
A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed to three identical birds lined up on the perch.
”How much is the one on the left?” asked the customer.
”Five hundred dollars,” said the shop owner.
”Why is it so expensive?”
”Because it knows how to do legal research.”
”What about the one in the middle? How much is that?”
”One thousand dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.”
”And how much is the third parrot?”
”Five thousands dollars.”
”What can it do that is so special?”
”To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a damn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”
BLIND GOLFERS
Posted by Admin
on June 28, 2013
No comments | 1 views
A priest, a doctor and a lawyer were playing golf together one morning, but were stuck behind a particularly slow group. All three were complaining about how long the group were taking on each hole. Finally they spotted the green keeper, so they decided to have a word with him.
“That’s a group of blind firefighters,” explained the green keeper. “They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here any time free of charge.”
The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I’ll say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “That’s a good idea. And I’m going to consult all my textbooks to see if there isn’t anything that can be done for them.”
The lawyer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
PROFESSION
Posted by Admin
on June 21, 2013
No comments | 1 views
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”
SNEAKY LAWYER
Posted by Admin
on June 12, 2013
No comments | 0 views
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”
“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”
The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer’s assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
