Category Archives: Kids/Baby Jokes - Page 3


Johnny’s English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.

“This is the worst essay I have ever had the misfortune of reading,” ranted the teacher.

“It has too many mistakes. I can’t understand how one person would have made all these mistakes!”

“One person didn’t,” replied Little Johnny defensively. “My father helped me!”


A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!”


“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year.

“He’s a magician,” said the small boy.

“How interesting! What’s his favourite trick?”

“Sawing people in half.”

“Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?”

“Yes. One half-brother and two half-sisters.”


Tea Strainer

A little girl made a cup of tea for her mother.

“I didn’t know you could make tea,” said mum taking a sip.

“Yes, I boiled some water, added the tea leaves like you do, and then strained it into a cup. But I couldn’t find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter.”

“What!” exclaimed mum, choking on her tea.

“Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t use the new fly swatter. I used the old one.”


The school teacher was taking the class in basic maths. She said to little Johnny, “If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?”

“Seven,” replied Johnny.

“No, Johnny,” explained the teacher. “That’s not the right answer. Listen. If I give you two apples, then I add another two apples and another two apples after that, how many have you got?”

“Six,” replied Johnny.

“That’s right,” said the teacher. “So, let’s try again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many have you got?”

“Seven,” replied Johnny.

“Seven!” wailed the teacher. “How do you get seven?”

“Because I’ve already got one rabbit at home!”


Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.

Johnny: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good!