Category Archives: Funny Letters - Page 2

The Importance Of Correct Punctuation

The Importance Of “Correct Punctuation”

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind,
thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and
inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no
feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let
me be yours?

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Breaking her heart

Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won’t you fogive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
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How to dump a guy

Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition
was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as
yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your
name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find
better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer
the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.
Check those that apply…

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Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married…

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,

Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering
I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice
holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along
my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you’ll spend on my
grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They
look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

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Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Dear ____________:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of
lost or stolen children’s teeth, we were unable to process your
request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

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Arkansas Mother Writes Her Son

Dearest Redneck Son,

I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home.  Your dad read in
the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from
your home, so we moved.
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