Category Archives: Elderly Jokes

SECRET FOR A HAPPY LIFE

A retired woman walked to her neighbour rocking on a chair
She asked ” You look so HAPPY ,what is the secret of your happy life”
HE replied
“I smoke 3 packs of cigarette a day
drink a case of whiskey a week
eat fatty food and never exercise”
She asked ,”that’s amazing. How old are you?”
He replied,” Twenty Six”

OLD AGE

Somehow we always think we are aging at a slower rate than everyone else, this was true of this older woman who is seeing a doctor for the first time.

She was taken into a room and told to “make herself comfortable.” While reading the doctor’s diploma on the wall, she realizes that she went to high school with him many years ago.
The doctor enters the room; he is very gray, and slightly bent over from old age, and says “hello, how can I help you?”
The woman asks; “Did you attend Roosevelt High School?”
“Yes I did”, the doctor answered.
She asks: “Class of 49?” “Yes I was”, was the answered.
The woman was delighted, and said: “You were in my class!”
The doctor responded: “What did you teach?”

WISDOM COMES WITH AGE

Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs on Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all envious. They corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

Bob says, “I lied about my age.”

His friends are fascinated, “What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”

FORGET ABOUT IT

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”

“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”

“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.”

“My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem — a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”

OLD AGE ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you use to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

CHOCOLATE PEANUTS

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch he asks the little old lady why they don’t eat the peanuts themselves.

“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, “Then, why do you buy them then?”

The old lady replied, “We just love the chocolate around them.”