“Mr. Jacobs,” the analyst said, “I think this will be your last visit.”
“Does that mean I’m cured?” he asked.
“For all practical purposes, yes,” she said. “I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control.

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An old lady went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”
“I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.
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A patient complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night.
“Before it happens, do you see any dreams?” the doctor said.
“Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, ‘Let’s pee.”
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A Blonde brought her baby in to see the doctor, and right away he determined that baby had an ear ache.
Doctor wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.
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This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
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