It was a fine summer evening at the local pub in Dublin. The bar was about half full. In one corner two fellows sat drinking pints. One fellow asks the other “Now where are ya from, me lad?”
The second fellow replies “County Cork.”
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If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $72.
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the 5-cent deposit, you would have $79.
My advice is to start drinking heavily.

A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year- old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
Then, without pausing, he downs each one.
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There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was a down pour of thunder and rain, these two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
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A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don`t try to fool me because I can tell the difference.”
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch.

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