Category Archives: Bar/Drunk Jokes - Page 5

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut…

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned
the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there.
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A somewhat drunk man feels a…

A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man’s head and says,
“Say, your head feels just like my wife’s ass.”

The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin,
“You know, you’re right!”

There was a drunk man walking down the street turning…

There was a drunk man walking down the street turning
his car keys back and forth.
A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?”
The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw
it, it was on the end of these keys.”
The police officer said, “Sir, do you know your zipper is down?”
The drunk replied, “Shit, I lost my wife, too!”

On a very cold night…

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local
brothel and the madam said, “You’ll have to wait.”
“But there’s lots of girls that aren’t busy right now.”
“Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.”

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A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way…

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down
a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn’t
you see the arrow, buddy?” he asked.
“An arrow?” the confused driver said. “I didn’t even see the
Indians

What is a breathanalyzer?

“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a ‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk
to his friend at the next barstool.

“Well, I’d have to say it’s a bag that tells you when you’ve drunk
way too much,” answered the equally wasted gent.

“Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for
years and years now!”