Category Archives: Bar/Drunk Jokes - Page 2

PINT OF BRANDY

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s liquor store.

One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and said, “Oh Jack, give me pint of the brandy.”

“Sister Mary Katherine,’ exclaimed Jack, ‘I could never do that! I’ve never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!”

“Oh jack,” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped. “It helps her constipation, you know.”

So, Jack sold her the brandy. Latter that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the convent, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine; and she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk.

A crowd was gathering, so Jack pushed through and exclaimed, “Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! You told me this was for the Mother Superior’s constipation!”

Sister Mary Katherine didn’t miss a beat as she replied, “And so it is, me lad, so it is. When she sees me, she’s going to shit!”

NIGHT OUT

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.

The first man signed to his friend, “My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble.”

The second deaf man signed back, “Boy you’re lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late.”

The first deaf man asked, “So what did you do?”

The second man replied, “I turned out the light.”

COMPLIMENTARY

A guy goes into the bar and sits down and orders a drink. Other than the bartender, there’s no one else in the place.

All of a sudden he hears a voice say, ‘Nice suit.’

He looks around and doesn’t see anyone and the bartender looks busy washing some glasses.

A little while later the same voice says, ‘Nice tie.’

The guy looks around again and doesn’t see anyone. He finally asks the bartender if he just said something.

‘No,’ replied the bartender, “it wasn’t me. It was probably the peanuts though. They’re complimentary.’

SON IN BAR

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said, “No thanks, I don’t drink, I tried it once but I didn’t like it!”

So the bartender said, “Well would you like a cigarette?”

The man said, “No, I don’t smoke, I tried it once but I didn`t like it!”

The bartender asked him if he’d like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, “No I don’t like pool, I tried it once but I didn`t like it.”

“As a matter of fact I wouldn’t be here at all, but I’m waiting on my son!”

The bartender said, “Your only son I presume!!”

SANTA AND BOTTLE

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

MUMTAAZ

Pani ko daru bana dete,

Daru ke tanker lagva dete,

Kambakht hamne pini chod di hai..

Warna

.

.

.

Tajmahal ko “Beer bar”

or

Mumtaj ko “Bar girl” bana dete..!!