A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who’d seen all the magician’s tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician’s disappearing acts.
The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn’t figure out.
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A man gets on a plane with his dog.
“You can’t bring a dog on this plane”, says the stewardess!
“But this dog is special,” says the passenger, “he’s a sniffer dog.”
“Prove it”, says the stewardess.
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It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot. They were an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.
The elephant complained, “Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!”
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There’s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
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A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, “Hey! what are you doing?”

The monkey says, “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”
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