A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights
broken and considerable damage. There’s no sign of the
offending vehicle but he’s relieved to see that there’s a
note stuck under the windshield wiper.
“Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw
the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think
I’m leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I’m not.”

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own
defense. “You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?”

The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, “Do you know what
will happen if you don’t tell the truth?”

The client looked back and said, “I imagine that our side will win.”

Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and the rest of us don’t
think they’re jokes

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same
service.

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of
lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
“Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His
partner replies ” What are you worried about? We’re both here.”