FOREVER DIAMOND

A man walks into a jewellery store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring.

Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center.

“Excuse me sir,” the gentleman says to the salesman. “How much is this ring?”

“Ah, that’s a beautiful piece,” the salesman replies. “It goes for $10,000.”

“My God!” the man exclaimed. “That’s a lot of money!”

“Yes, but a diamond is forever.”

“Perhaps,” the gentleman replied, “but my marriage won’t last that long!”

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

After a busy day when the commuters boarded the train ,they witnessed a loud conversation

“Hi darling, it’s John, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s 7.00 and not 5.00 but I had a long meeting .
No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss, no darling you’re the only one in my life.
Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah…”

When this went on more than 15 minutes, a young woman sitting opposite him,
driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice,
“Hey, John! Turn off that phone and come back to bed!”

A 3 DAY PASS

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says, “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked, “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, ‘Do you want to get a three-day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

OUTHOUSE

Once a tourist went to the mountains , there he saw a very little cabin .curious he knocked on the door

“Anybody home?”

A child’s voice answered, “Yep.”

“Is your Father there?”

“Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in.”

“Well, is your Mother there?”

“Nope, Ma left just before I got here.”

“Are you never together as a family?”

“Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!”

THE ROMANTIC WIFE

A romantic wife once texted her husband

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
I’m on the toilet. Please advise.

ADDING IT UP

Jeeto brought a whole range of COSMETICS
After 5 hours of applying she asked Santa
“Tell me what age do you think I look?”
SANTA replied,” From your hair 15,
from your skin 16′
from your figure 18″
“Oh you Flatterer” ,she said
“Wait a minute” he said
“I haven’t ADDED up them yet”